Memory fades. As much as I try to hold onto all the little things J does that I love, they seem to slip through the fingers of my memory like sand. I'll try to capture a few:
The way he eats. He really seems to be concentrating. Taking each piece of food carefully between his fingers, feeling it, squishing it, then aiming at his mouth. When he gets a piece in (not a given) his cheeks puff up like chipmunks and I love watching him chew. He makes little sighing sounds like its a big job, this learning how to eat thing. I love when he gets excited about a favorite food, like clementines. Sometimes I'll peel one and sit on the couch near him. He comes running at you with his mouth open, like he can't get there fast enough. Then when he gets a piece he chews it with his chipmunk cheeks and swings his leg like he's just the most content little guy.
When he cuddles. Sometimes after a nap, or when he's not feeling well or teething, J will want to be held. He's in his independent phase right now so I really cherish these moments. He'll try to crawl into my lap, put one hand up by my neck to play with my hair, and just kind of hug me. I love this. This simple action soothes my soul as well.
Right now the dogs are the funniest things in the world. They don't even have to be doing anything, just sitting and blinking. Once one catches J's eye he looks at me with a twinkle and then lets out a big belly laugh. I feel bad for them...these days the laugh is usually followed by a good chase until one of the dogs can escape upstairs, out of his grasp. He loves when one gets brave enough to come near his face. Then he puts his hands up to his mouth and just laughs and laughs like they're having a real good joke together.
The way he needs me. Although its inconvenient at times I'm trying to get stuff done, I love that he wants to be with me. That he looks at me when he's enjoying something, whether its a toy or a show or the aforementioned dogs...he'll look right at me to make sure I'm watching as well. Like he wants to share it with me. There is a second, more selfish part to this. When something bad happens in his world (a bumped head, a good tumble), he comes to me for comfort. Sometimes even when Daddy picks him up for comfort he'll want to come to me. Like only Mommy will do. Please don't ever tell my husband that I said this. I shouldn't take joy in it, but secretly I do.
That he lets me dance with him. This, too, will not last forever. Someday it will be way too embarrassing. But for now I love sweeping him up and having a nice swing around the room while he looks at me like I must be nuts, but laughs and smiles all the same.
Most of all I just love witnessing all the little changes every day brings in my little guy. Watching his little personality develop. Watching him learn. Seeing all the ways he's just like us or completely different. I'll never get enough of this little, little man. I hope by writing some of it down I can manage to keep just a little fresh in my mind.
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